I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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