This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
