she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
