I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
