Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
