You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
