Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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