is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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