He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
