"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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