There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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