If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
