shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
