I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
