i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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