I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
