I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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