I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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