dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize