there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
