I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
