and she was petting her beer can
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
