I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
