come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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