wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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