i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
