Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize