did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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