if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
