Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
