was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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