belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
someone threw a dead crab at me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
