So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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