that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
