come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
