Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
