Apparently you make a good broom.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im holly from the hills drunk
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
