Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
