Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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