So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
