well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
where are my eyebrows?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
