It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
