i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
