I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
