all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
