I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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