kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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