the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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