my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
