Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
True but thats because hes a fetus.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
