glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
