Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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