You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
