Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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