I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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