4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
