he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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