I think I am morally bankrupt
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
