I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
