Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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