where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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