not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
