Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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