Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize