I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
