you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
