Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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