I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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