i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
