PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
